scrubjayspeaks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scrubjayspeaks) wrote2020-07-27 05:10 pm
scrubjayspeaks) wrote2020-07-27 05:10 pm
Entry tags:
Today's Keyboard Smash
Just to harp on my good fortune a bit longer: I spent all day thinking lovingly of the pumpkin patch experience of yesterday. It's now joined my daydreams about beehives as "pleasant thoughts to get me through the dull parts of the day."
This is not entirely trivial. I have anxiety and depression, and my default (if not necessarily natural) state is worry. Catastrophizing. Obsessing. Stewing. Etc. You get the idea. It's something of a big deal that I've got nicer things I can not merely redirect to, though that's certainly helpful, but default to in the first place.
Is my life getting better? It's hard to tell, here in the midst of it. It's hard to tell day to day. It's hard to tell when the world is also imploding--let's not discount the perspective-warping powers of THAT. But maybe...maybe things are pretty okay here. There are problems; I don't delude myself into thinking there ever won't be. But this seems good.
I'm going to have to think about this a bit. A good life. Huh.
This is not entirely trivial. I have anxiety and depression, and my default (if not necessarily natural) state is worry. Catastrophizing. Obsessing. Stewing. Etc. You get the idea. It's something of a big deal that I've got nicer things I can not merely redirect to, though that's certainly helpful, but default to in the first place.
Is my life getting better? It's hard to tell, here in the midst of it. It's hard to tell day to day. It's hard to tell when the world is also imploding--let's not discount the perspective-warping powers of THAT. But maybe...maybe things are pretty okay here. There are problems; I don't delude myself into thinking there ever won't be. But this seems good.
I'm going to have to think about this a bit. A good life. Huh.