scrubjayspeaks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scrubjayspeaks) wrote2020-11-02 04:22 pm
scrubjayspeaks) wrote2020-11-02 04:22 pm
Today's Keyboard Smash
It never ceases to amaze me what a difference there is between my normal and that of the theoretical Normal Human. Having upped my dose of hydroxychloroquine, I am flush with what feels like nearly manic energy. Truly, I picked a wonderful time to take on NaClYoHo. (Though I know perfectly well that I would have soldiered through it, having once decided to do it at all, even if I had been on death's door.)
Even so, I'm aware that this is probably just what any person not dealing with chronic illness feels like. I'm still groggy when I get up at the asscrack of dawn. I still have my midmorning Yawning Hour. I get tired. And that, I suppose, is the difference. You might tire out a normal person, but the mere act of existing does not sap all their reserves. I don't feel the persistent sensation that my body is an anchor I must drag behind me everywhere I go. The contrast boggles the mind and leaves me feeling like there must be something unnatural about this quantity of energy.
This is a known phenomenon, of course. People talk about how wild it must be to NOT have ADHD and have a brain that rewards you with reasonable amounts of chemicals when you accomplish things. To get doses of satisfaction and happiness on a regular basis from normal life activities. It's strange to think of the things other people experience by default, without effort or intervention.
Even so, I'm aware that this is probably just what any person not dealing with chronic illness feels like. I'm still groggy when I get up at the asscrack of dawn. I still have my midmorning Yawning Hour. I get tired. And that, I suppose, is the difference. You might tire out a normal person, but the mere act of existing does not sap all their reserves. I don't feel the persistent sensation that my body is an anchor I must drag behind me everywhere I go. The contrast boggles the mind and leaves me feeling like there must be something unnatural about this quantity of energy.
This is a known phenomenon, of course. People talk about how wild it must be to NOT have ADHD and have a brain that rewards you with reasonable amounts of chemicals when you accomplish things. To get doses of satisfaction and happiness on a regular basis from normal life activities. It's strange to think of the things other people experience by default, without effort or intervention.