Oh, buddy, yeah. I hear you. Me shouting into my own brain after coming to that realization: "I thought we were COOL, bro?!" *figuring this stuff out solidarity fist bump*

I'll be the first to recognize that it also doesn't have to be 100% one option or the other. There are gradations between "I am the only person who will ever know and there will be no changes" and either "I am out as trans to everyone I encounter" or "I have fully transitioned to another gender and am now stealth." Which I guess is a balance I'm going to learn to strike going forward, huh?