Done This Week

Coping less and less well. Desperate for naps but unable to relax. Eating my emotions and not sorry about it.

Lewisia: 3 new pieces written, still finding my rhythm again

Gratitude journaling: 35 new entries

Tumblr queue: 35 posts added

Day job: 42 hours

Cooking: crockpot chicken, this recipe for peasant bread from Joy Demorra

Gardening: chucked a couple of cuttings in the agave nursery, replanted one of the glass orbs in the house with a haworthia cutting

Reading: Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things--didn't get through as much fiction this week because I had to train on new stuff at work, which apparently means I'm expected to pay attention--boo!

Other: grocery run, which now feels like a major life event

plague journaling

Rain today at home, which has been a good excuse for me to focus and get normal things done today. Focus is a difficult thing to manage right now. I lose a lot of time to "doomscrolling," a term I now have thanks to Warren Ellis.

mdlbear linked to a piece on grief and how it applies to the current situation. Very interesting, very useful. The idea of "anticipatory grief" as a form of anxiety was a revelation. I deal with anxiety problems as it is, but this has a particular flavor to it.

Right now, I get a lot of comfort in hearing that other people are experiencing similar things. That I'm not crazy, or I'm at least not alone in the crazy. It's difficult to focus. I'm tired beyond the normal range of my fatigue. I feel a strange compulsion to Do Things, to make use of this time or to contribute something, even as so much feels faintly meaningless and futile. Anger and fear blurt out in random directions under pressure.

I tried to think of something pithy to say to wrap this up. It was going to be something about needing to know we are not alone. Think up something clever and pretend I said that.