scrubjayspeaks

When he informed his friend and weekend host that there was a squirrel angrily chittering in a live trap cage in the backyard, he had not entirely expected the smug "serves Mrs. Wilmott right" he heard in response. "Just imagine the persistence of a bird feeder-raiding squirrel and the nosiness of a little old biddy next door, then make her a witch," she explained as she looked out the kitchen window, which had heavy privacy curtains like everywhere else in the house. "She's safe in the shade, so I think I'll let her stew for a bit, and maybe she’ll think better of snooping while I have a 'gentleman caller' staying over," she announced loudly, which set off a new wave of furious squeaking.

---

LL#1345

With the weather taking a sharp turn to colder daytime temperatures, we are happy to announce that Old Man Anatole has been able to emerge from his yearly hibernation in the cryostasis lab at the community college. Trapped on a mountain unknown centuries ago, Anatole was found frozen by local archaeologists and was revived somewhat successfully, apart from his inability to survive in warmer temperatures. When you see him wandering coatless about town, stop to say hello and tell him about something pleasant for you from the past year, as he always enjoys catching up on what he misses during his seasonal sleep.

---

LL#1343

Keeping an art collective in the black was never an easy job, however commercial one’s works might be, and so none of them were feeling particularly selective when someone offered funding in exchange for a few commissioned landscapes and animal portraits. There was a great deal of cloak and dagger about it, and the collective all nearly died playing at detectives to reveal the Dorian Gray-esque bargain to which they had become unwitting parties. Had they known that the goal was to preserve endangered animals and threatened ecosystems, transferring the poachers’ bullets and loggers chainsaws to their canvas counterparts, they would have done the work for free, though they saw no reason to mention that after the fact.

---

LL#1341

“This doesn’t seem like the right geography for hills like this to form,” he remarked in confusion as they drove through a series of low foothills studding the otherwise flat plains. Her boyfriend was bright, curious, and observant, just some of the good qualities that had made her willing to try bringing him back to her hometown, despite the expected difficulties. “They’re barrows, actually,” she told him, figuring that the following conversation, about what exactly would need a burial mound that large and who would have constructed it, would at least pass the time until they reached their destination.

---

LL#1339

The icicle crops are beginning to grow along rooflines around town, so please watch out for the blue markers designating cultivated areas and avoid breaking or contaminating them. Unlike icicles forming on tree branches and other wild locations, which should only be harvested by experienced foragers who can identify those safe to eat, cultivated icicles can be purchased and used for a number of winter treats. Later in the season, when they've ripened drip by drip, look out for flavor-coated icicle pops at Zelena Mishka.

---

LL#1337

“Oh, you little beast,” her grandmother admonished when she came in with mud to her elbows and leaves in her hair, once again failing to comport herself in a ladylike fashion. It was a familiar epithet, one unleashed all too often on a small child who loved playing in puddles more than playing house, and one taken to heart in a most unintended way. Focusing on the petty offenses of grubby hands and tangled hair distracted from more relevant details, like the emerging fangs and curling claws of a child who had been told to change and had, gloriously, found a way to do so.

---

LL#1335

His boss insisted he couldn’t find the key card, and the client insisted they couldn’t set up a new one, so he got an employee to let him in and propped the door with one of the toolboxes he didn’t think he would need for the routine work. No one told him the industrial park had a pest problem, and they certainly didn’t tell the lowly handyman that the pests were vampiric in nature. Fortunately, while the night crew was being picked off on their ten-minute breaks, he used his knowledge of the building’s hidden passages and disused nooks to avoid this latest OSHA violation.

---

LL#1333

The recent spate of swapped buttons--tiny shell buttons appearing on hard-worn work denim, heavy brass buttons suddenly weighing down satin nightgowns--has escalated further. Buttons have begun to appear elsewhere as well, replacing backpack zippers and making for rather uncomfortable undergarments, as the person, creature, or entity responsible gets more creative. Most troubling, unconfirmed reports suggest buttons have been attached to trees, rocks, and at least one apparently unbothered parakeet, leading experts in such things to wonder what sort of openings are being kept closed by the new additions.

---

LL#1331

Those who enjoyed the lofty views from the tea house as it strutted about were disappointed to find it quite flat to the ground, chicken legs tucked under it and shingles all puffed out, looking more like a sprawling ranch house than an animate cottage. “Is it brooding?” one regular asked over a pot of Darjeeling. “Only in the sense of sulking,” the proprietor tutted as she served forth a plate of scones, “all because I resealed the roof before the rains start, the big baby.”

---

LL#1329

The street woke to a blaze of color, red and orange and gold, that spilled from the trees down to the sidewalks, up lampposts and mailboxes, and flooded across porches and balconies. The little spirit in charge of coloring the fall leaves preened from its perch on the highest roof peak, admiring its work and the people’s reactions both. It had gotten such a scolding from its supervisor for going outside its designated areas and for using up more than its share of materials, but it thought anything worth doing at all was worth overdoing gloriously.

---

LL#1327