On Seeking Out HRT

[CW for discussion of medical mistreatment, reproductive care, and dysphoria. (Soon to be) Recurring reminder that everything here represents my personal experience of what it means to be trans, nonbinary, and masculine/butch, and none of it should be taken as commentary on or rejection of any other experiences and ways of being any of those things.]

Earlier this year, I started seriously researching HRT and gender-affirming care. By virtue of being queer and trans on the internet, I had general knowledge about what taking testosterone would be like. What I had absolutely no knowledge of was how to go about getting on it in the first place. I hadn't allowed myself to know anything about the practical steps needed to get hormone therapy.

Knowing how might mean trying to get it.

Trying might mean getting rejected.

And by then, I would have gotten my heart set on it. Being denied felt like it would be a killing blow. Better to pretend I didn't want it in the first place.

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