Today's Keyboard Smash
Feb. 22nd, 2021 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrubjayspeaksI mentioned to someone the other day that I've made a realization regarding my ability to read or lack thereof. I've really been struggling to ever sit down and read a book, even though I have tons I really want to get to. Previously, I've attributed this to stress and an inability to cope with new stories or even the emotional intensity of old favorites. But that seemed manifestly inaccurate, considering the rate at which I burn through podcasts and, to a lesser extent, audiobooks.
Admittedly, I'm getting through a lot more nonfiction podcasts than I am fiction of any length, which could lend credence to the "too stressed to deal with narrative" theory. Realistically, though, I know that I tend to choose podcasts over audiobooks because of timeliness. The audiobook will always be there, but the podcast might be related to current events or at least the current events of the hosts' lives, so I feel like I need to keep up. In any case, I'm getting through many hours of audio input.
This doesn't even touch on my minor Youtube addiction, and we'll leave it at that.
And I realized as I was going on about this whole situation that there was a critical difference: all that listening was happening at work where I have stuff to do with my body. (When I'm on Youtube, I'm often not watching the screen but listening while, say, playing video games or cooking, so the theory holds at home as well.) My work is methodical, repetitive, physical without necessarily being strenuous, and not particularly engaging for most of my brain when things are running well. When things aren't running well, I often switch back to music, in fact, so I can concentrate on troubleshooting.
Point is, I'm doing lots of fiddly stuff with my body while my brain goes to the theater of the mind.
Yet when I think about reading, I'm thinking about having to sit down somewhere and focus on either a page or a screen held in my hands. I'm not doing anything else. I'm just reading. And I'm starting to think that my resistance to the idea of reading, even when I have all the time in the world for it, is my brain and body going, uh, where's the rest of the activity? Yeah, fine, storytime, but what are we going to be doing?
FYI, I probably have ADHD, it's a whole long story and I'm still holding a bit of a grudge against my fourth-grade teacher over it, anyway. Between that and the autism, I'm very fidgety and need both ALL the input and also carefully managed input. Which is probably why my day job + podcasts is such a dream combination for me.
So now I'm trying to figure out how to recreate that sensory situation at home when reading print/ebooks. (Yes, I realize I can listen to podcasts/audiobooks at home while doing, say, crafts. I already do that. I just also have visual books I want to be able to read too.) I can't do my usual activities of gardening, cleaning, cooking, playing video games, or crafting because...uh...I sorta need to look at the page instead.
This is just me working through the start of this idea in preparation for brainstorming. I need activities I can do while reading printed words. I mean, I'm probably going to end up wandering around the field and hoping I don't break my ankle falling in a squirrel hole because I wasn't looking where I was going. I miiiiight be able to get away with crocheting without looking, but that doesn't leave me with any hands free for holding a book. Might be able to prop up the tablet for ebooks, though. Not ideal, but.
Admittedly, I'm getting through a lot more nonfiction podcasts than I am fiction of any length, which could lend credence to the "too stressed to deal with narrative" theory. Realistically, though, I know that I tend to choose podcasts over audiobooks because of timeliness. The audiobook will always be there, but the podcast might be related to current events or at least the current events of the hosts' lives, so I feel like I need to keep up. In any case, I'm getting through many hours of audio input.
This doesn't even touch on my minor Youtube addiction, and we'll leave it at that.
And I realized as I was going on about this whole situation that there was a critical difference: all that listening was happening at work where I have stuff to do with my body. (When I'm on Youtube, I'm often not watching the screen but listening while, say, playing video games or cooking, so the theory holds at home as well.) My work is methodical, repetitive, physical without necessarily being strenuous, and not particularly engaging for most of my brain when things are running well. When things aren't running well, I often switch back to music, in fact, so I can concentrate on troubleshooting.
Point is, I'm doing lots of fiddly stuff with my body while my brain goes to the theater of the mind.
Yet when I think about reading, I'm thinking about having to sit down somewhere and focus on either a page or a screen held in my hands. I'm not doing anything else. I'm just reading. And I'm starting to think that my resistance to the idea of reading, even when I have all the time in the world for it, is my brain and body going, uh, where's the rest of the activity? Yeah, fine, storytime, but what are we going to be doing?
FYI, I probably have ADHD, it's a whole long story and I'm still holding a bit of a grudge against my fourth-grade teacher over it, anyway. Between that and the autism, I'm very fidgety and need both ALL the input and also carefully managed input. Which is probably why my day job + podcasts is such a dream combination for me.
So now I'm trying to figure out how to recreate that sensory situation at home when reading print/ebooks. (Yes, I realize I can listen to podcasts/audiobooks at home while doing, say, crafts. I already do that. I just also have visual books I want to be able to read too.) I can't do my usual activities of gardening, cleaning, cooking, playing video games, or crafting because...uh...I sorta need to look at the page instead.
This is just me working through the start of this idea in preparation for brainstorming. I need activities I can do while reading printed words. I mean, I'm probably going to end up wandering around the field and hoping I don't break my ankle falling in a squirrel hole because I wasn't looking where I was going. I miiiiight be able to get away with crocheting without looking, but that doesn't leave me with any hands free for holding a book. Might be able to prop up the tablet for ebooks, though. Not ideal, but.
