On Three Months
Sep. 8th, 2023 11:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrubjayspeaks[CW for frank discussions of body changes, including hair, menstruation, and libido, and talk of dysphoria. I'll be putting these updates fully under cuts, as they are less general interest on the topic of gender/transness and more "what do I personally have going on with my bits these days." Niche interest and all that.]
Had my first follow-up appointment at the clinic. And let me yell* you, I am riding even higher than I was after the first appointment. (*That was a typo, but it was more accurate than anything else I could have typed, so we’re keeping it.)
An all-new set of people to interact with, but still ended up with every one of them being completely lovely. They’re going to work on updating my prescription so that maybe the pharmacy will stop filling it a single vial at a time, thus forcing me to pick it up every two weeks. No sense of whether this will also cause them to start automatically filling it, or if I will continue having to call the automated system every time to force through a refill.
Also, I’m going to up my dose a teeny, tiny bit. I started out on 0.25mL weekly. I’ve nudged it up a little closer to 0.3 already, partly because getting an accurate half-measure isn’t easy. To start, I’m just going to go for a slightly more generous 0.3. I can go as high as 0.5 right now, but I don’t think I’m going to go that far. I’ve been torn between two impulses. I’m so happy, I want more and faster. And I’m so happy, I don’t want to do anything different when it’s working. I’m just going to play it by ear for the next few months.
Face
No meaningful changes. Debating the possibility of, during my Halloween vacation time, letting my beard grow a little and maybe shaping it as a goatee type...thing. Just for my own private amusement. Which feels catastrophically embarrassing to admit wanting, because something something imperfect/inadequate gender expressions are cringe, how dare you be proud of or relish your meager development something something.
In other news, I have just learned that minoxidil (Rogaine etc) can be applied to the face to fill in beard growth. (We discussed my anxiety at the prospect of future hair loss/thinning. Since I’m not willing to cut back on the body hair and bottom growth that comes with T, androgen blockers are right out for me.)
Voice
Have realized that the incessant coughing is a side effect of my blood pressure meds, not allergies OR hormones--will be complaining to my prescribing doc. Voice cracking and breaking constantly. This is less of an issue at work, where I am (marginally) less animated and less likely to reach for the higher vocal range. At home, though, especially talking to pets? Oh, I’m just a tragic little squeaky toy.
Body Hair
Ha! Yes, the chest hair is spreading. Not just my imagination. Have been admiring the fur on my arms (and the veins that sometimes stand out on the backs of my hands) with newly open appreciation. Why did I ever allow anyone to shame me for looking like this? I am the hotness.
Chest
Still tantrumming that I can’t find a binder sized for beasts like me. Really looking forward to fall and winter, when I can go back to wearing the Dysphoria Oversized Hoodie, as is the way of my people.
But! They let me know at the clinic that they can give me a letter of medical necessity when I’m ready for top surgery. (And I just looked up the general guidelines for gender-affirming surgery from my health insurance, and top surgery only requires one letter. Holy shit, yes!)
Menstruation
My infinite bleeding glitch seems to have been debugged for now. And it’s still early in the month, but I think...dare I say it?...I think I might not have a period this month. *holds breath*
Also, because I don’t know where else to put this: my hemoglobin is now 14-point-something, up from the 12-point-something I’ve been stuck at. Which means I finally pass the threshold to give blood again! (I’m O-, so they really want my delicious, highly compatible blood, but I haven’t been able to qualify for years due to my iron levels.)
Junk
Without getting too graphic--a boy must have a few secrets--I’m very pleased with the growth I’m getting even at this early stage. Also, libido is back at full power. Yay?
Energy and Strength
I rewatched The Mummy the other day. When the two expeditions confront each other in the tunnels and draw guns, Evelyn puts her hand on Rick’s arm to convey to him that she’s figured out the right spot to dig and to let the American team have this spot without a fight. She just kind of curls her hand lightly around his arm, right above where his sleeves have been rolled up to show off his (slutty, slutty) forearms. And I had a real moment of “hnnng, pretty lady hands on big himbo arms, yes, good.”
Which is not really an update about my own big himbo arms, so much as an update on my big himbo brain. But there you have it.
Mental
Paranoia continues, specifically because I feel like an asshole coworker is actually...monitoring my choice of bathroom. Is this person genuinely clocking me? Or just being a nosy jerk? Hard to say. But it feels like I am going to need to train up my bladder (more than it already is) to endure full work days without bathroom breaks. What a stupid timeline we live in.
Gods, though, I feel like such a handsome boy-creature lately. This is everything I ever dreamed it would be, and more importantly, all the things I never even allowed myself to dream at all.
Had my first follow-up appointment at the clinic. And let me yell* you, I am riding even higher than I was after the first appointment. (*That was a typo, but it was more accurate than anything else I could have typed, so we’re keeping it.)
An all-new set of people to interact with, but still ended up with every one of them being completely lovely. They’re going to work on updating my prescription so that maybe the pharmacy will stop filling it a single vial at a time, thus forcing me to pick it up every two weeks. No sense of whether this will also cause them to start automatically filling it, or if I will continue having to call the automated system every time to force through a refill.
Also, I’m going to up my dose a teeny, tiny bit. I started out on 0.25mL weekly. I’ve nudged it up a little closer to 0.3 already, partly because getting an accurate half-measure isn’t easy. To start, I’m just going to go for a slightly more generous 0.3. I can go as high as 0.5 right now, but I don’t think I’m going to go that far. I’ve been torn between two impulses. I’m so happy, I want more and faster. And I’m so happy, I don’t want to do anything different when it’s working. I’m just going to play it by ear for the next few months.
Face
No meaningful changes. Debating the possibility of, during my Halloween vacation time, letting my beard grow a little and maybe shaping it as a goatee type...thing. Just for my own private amusement. Which feels catastrophically embarrassing to admit wanting, because something something imperfect/inadequate gender expressions are cringe, how dare you be proud of or relish your meager development something something.
In other news, I have just learned that minoxidil (Rogaine etc) can be applied to the face to fill in beard growth. (We discussed my anxiety at the prospect of future hair loss/thinning. Since I’m not willing to cut back on the body hair and bottom growth that comes with T, androgen blockers are right out for me.)
Voice
Have realized that the incessant coughing is a side effect of my blood pressure meds, not allergies OR hormones--will be complaining to my prescribing doc. Voice cracking and breaking constantly. This is less of an issue at work, where I am (marginally) less animated and less likely to reach for the higher vocal range. At home, though, especially talking to pets? Oh, I’m just a tragic little squeaky toy.
Body Hair
Ha! Yes, the chest hair is spreading. Not just my imagination. Have been admiring the fur on my arms (and the veins that sometimes stand out on the backs of my hands) with newly open appreciation. Why did I ever allow anyone to shame me for looking like this? I am the hotness.
Chest
Still tantrumming that I can’t find a binder sized for beasts like me. Really looking forward to fall and winter, when I can go back to wearing the Dysphoria Oversized Hoodie, as is the way of my people.
But! They let me know at the clinic that they can give me a letter of medical necessity when I’m ready for top surgery. (And I just looked up the general guidelines for gender-affirming surgery from my health insurance, and top surgery only requires one letter. Holy shit, yes!)
Menstruation
My infinite bleeding glitch seems to have been debugged for now. And it’s still early in the month, but I think...dare I say it?...I think I might not have a period this month. *holds breath*
Also, because I don’t know where else to put this: my hemoglobin is now 14-point-something, up from the 12-point-something I’ve been stuck at. Which means I finally pass the threshold to give blood again! (I’m O-, so they really want my delicious, highly compatible blood, but I haven’t been able to qualify for years due to my iron levels.)
Junk
Without getting too graphic--a boy must have a few secrets--I’m very pleased with the growth I’m getting even at this early stage. Also, libido is back at full power. Yay?
Energy and Strength
I rewatched The Mummy the other day. When the two expeditions confront each other in the tunnels and draw guns, Evelyn puts her hand on Rick’s arm to convey to him that she’s figured out the right spot to dig and to let the American team have this spot without a fight. She just kind of curls her hand lightly around his arm, right above where his sleeves have been rolled up to show off his (slutty, slutty) forearms. And I had a real moment of “hnnng, pretty lady hands on big himbo arms, yes, good.”
Which is not really an update about my own big himbo arms, so much as an update on my big himbo brain. But there you have it.
Mental
Paranoia continues, specifically because I feel like an asshole coworker is actually...monitoring my choice of bathroom. Is this person genuinely clocking me? Or just being a nosy jerk? Hard to say. But it feels like I am going to need to train up my bladder (more than it already is) to endure full work days without bathroom breaks. What a stupid timeline we live in.
Gods, though, I feel like such a handsome boy-creature lately. This is everything I ever dreamed it would be, and more importantly, all the things I never even allowed myself to dream at all.
