plague journaling
May. 3rd, 2020 04:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrubjayspeaksI've really liked the podcast Trends Like These, and it's released its farewell episode now. I understand why they're ending it--I don't resent that at all--but damn, I have a sadness about it. Lately, I really appreciate anyone who can tell me about current events with some humor (however dark) mixed in. Because the straight news is hair-tearingly awful.
I don't know if it's just the stress of everything (making me sicker) or if it's a flare (making me sicker), but goddamn, my fatigue is out of control right now. On work nights, I'm rolling my bedtime up earlier and earlier. Not always managing to get to sleep, but at least I'm starting the being in bed chilling out process earlier. On the weekends, I keep hyperfixating on things until (for me) ungodly hours, but I'm too programmed to wake up early to ever sleep in to make up for it.
This morning, my legs felt like they were imaginary. Like when you have a dream about having wings or something, and for a little while when you first wake up, you can still feel them. You can feel them, but you can't control them. Phantom limbs. Dream bodies. Only this is my actual meat vessel feeling like that. I couldn't seem to muster the strength to stand up. And none of that is unprecedented by any means. It's just been a good while since I felt this way.
I guess part of it is that my medication is now working well enough and long enough that flares actually look like something. There's a baseline good that can get worse temporarily. That's how I'm thinking of it, anyway.
I'm very tired.
I don't know if it's just the stress of everything (making me sicker) or if it's a flare (making me sicker), but goddamn, my fatigue is out of control right now. On work nights, I'm rolling my bedtime up earlier and earlier. Not always managing to get to sleep, but at least I'm starting the being in bed chilling out process earlier. On the weekends, I keep hyperfixating on things until (for me) ungodly hours, but I'm too programmed to wake up early to ever sleep in to make up for it.
This morning, my legs felt like they were imaginary. Like when you have a dream about having wings or something, and for a little while when you first wake up, you can still feel them. You can feel them, but you can't control them. Phantom limbs. Dream bodies. Only this is my actual meat vessel feeling like that. I couldn't seem to muster the strength to stand up. And none of that is unprecedented by any means. It's just been a good while since I felt this way.
I guess part of it is that my medication is now working well enough and long enough that flares actually look like something. There's a baseline good that can get worse temporarily. That's how I'm thinking of it, anyway.
I'm very tired.
