plague journaling

Late this afternoon, when I was already experiencing an eye strain-based headache of monumental proportions, my team leader hollered for me. (The machines are tall, and my coworkers are almost entirely very short. While I do not enjoy the tendency to bellow (or worse, whistle) to alert or locate people, I am slowly resigning myself to the practicality of it.)

"You have a phone call."

The bottom drops out of the world.

The last time I got a call on a work phone line, it was my mum calling the restaurant to tell me my father had collapsed in our kitchen, the paramedics were working on him, and no, she didn't know if he was actually still alive. (In a weird coincidence, while that was November instead of March, it was also during a rainstorm AND I was having severe skin problems from a flare in my then-undiagnosed lupus, as I am now.)

So to say I had an intense reaction to this information is understatement of the year. I'm amazed I actually made it across the room to the phone to answer at all. Certainly my legs liquified in an instant, which makes walking difficult. I probably when white as a sheet--one coworker gave me rather concerned looks after the fact.

Turned out to be HR person again (not her fault this time, but she scoring no points whatsoever with me this week), inquiring if a found set of airpods might belong to me. I'm not sure how coherent my responses actually were. My brain couldn't really process this wild swing from terror to relief, so it settled on bafflement.

In that instant, though, all I could think was, something's wrong with one of my parents. Covid-19 wasn't the only prospect that flashed through my mind, but it was one of them. One of them has suddenly developed symptoms and is being rushed to the ER. Is that a reasonable timeline for manifestation of this disease? No, not really. What of it? Reason had no seat at the table just then.

I really, really hate that either of them is obligated to go outside, let alone work with the public. Hate it.

more Hobbit thoughts

Finished The Hobbit today, which mostly left me feeling sad. Much of the story is light-hearted and comical, certainly. But the Battle of Five Armies leaves me miserable. No, actually, even before that--Thorin's descent is what does it to me. The idea of dragon sickness--the greed and aggression and obsession with hoarding wealth--is it meant to be magical? A sort of mystical taint on the treasure, leached out of Smaug over the years, that can be transmitted? Or is it a fancy way of speaking about the greed that lurks in some hearts? He speaks of the Master of Laketown being vulnerable to it, which could apply to either way. I suppose it's meant to be both, really. But it leaves me wanting to take Thorin by the shoulders and shake him. You are meant for more than this.

On the subject of comedy, though, let me say--I cannot, CANNOT, stop giggling at the disparity between the movies and the books when it comes to tone. It's not even down to individual characters, but whole races, ESPECIALLY the elves. Book elves? Yeah, they are fucking goofballs. In the movies, the elves are all floaty fabrics and soaring arias, while in the book they're getting drunk while on watch and taunting visitors with obnoxious rhymes. It's just wild. Dwarves? Haughty dipshits. Hobbits? Squeaky toys full of situationally inappropriate responses. I know part of it is that Hobbit was the children's story part of Middle-earth; apparently, Tolkien saved all the dignity for other works.

My favorite bit, though, is when Bilbo is describing himself to Smaug in terms of his deeds to avoid revealing his true name. Is this an example of kenning? Is it related? When he calls himself Barrel-Rider, that counts at least, right? But the riddling ones are good too, where he talks about drowning his friends and bringing them back, and other such seemingly impossible feats. What I want to know is: why are we not all constantly talking about ourselves this way? Why is this not a meme? Why do we not have a long list of these on all our bios on social media? This is the greatest thing I've ever heard, come on!