I Broke Fire
Feb. 26th, 2022 05:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrubjayspeaksAll I wanted to do was grill some chicken. There had been a decent deal on chicken breasts, but they're bone-in, and normally we get boneless. I thought grilling would be a good way to prepare them, and it was a good weekend to do it on. Plus, hey, I get to use the new grill chimney my folks gave me over the holidays.
Despite smoking vigorously and showing every sign of being well on its way to lighting, after forty-five minutes, the charcoal in the chimney was entirely cold, in no way covered in grey ash, and definitely not going to be contributing to tonight's cuisine. I tried again, even though I didn't really have time to wait for it to burn down to a useable state, even if I got it going. I needn't have worried about that particular difficulty.
This is the second time I've had this problem. I tried to grill back in December as well. That time, I just made a pyramid of the newspaper and briquettes, to the exact same results. I thought maybe the charcoal had gotten wet or something, despite that...not really being a possibility. Now, having done it again with that bag, I thought maybe I somehow...got a defective batch of charcoal? Except then I tried with another bag that we had on hand, and it didn't want to light either. Two defective bags?
I checked all the websites and forums and the goddamn Quora answers (*shudder*), and I seem to be using the best method and doing it correctly. There's nothing wrong with the grill's cleanliness or ventilation. The weather is fine. And if the charcoal is damp, I don't know how it managed to be, considering it's been stored in an airtight container. But I guess that's the only possibility left.
Unless, of course, I really have somehow broken fire. Presumably, I'll discover I've defeated gravity next, and I'll cause a county-wide power outage as I grab at electrical lines on my way up to the stratosphere. All fundamental forces of the universe will eventually succumb to my ineptitude!
Despite smoking vigorously and showing every sign of being well on its way to lighting, after forty-five minutes, the charcoal in the chimney was entirely cold, in no way covered in grey ash, and definitely not going to be contributing to tonight's cuisine. I tried again, even though I didn't really have time to wait for it to burn down to a useable state, even if I got it going. I needn't have worried about that particular difficulty.
This is the second time I've had this problem. I tried to grill back in December as well. That time, I just made a pyramid of the newspaper and briquettes, to the exact same results. I thought maybe the charcoal had gotten wet or something, despite that...not really being a possibility. Now, having done it again with that bag, I thought maybe I somehow...got a defective batch of charcoal? Except then I tried with another bag that we had on hand, and it didn't want to light either. Two defective bags?
I checked all the websites and forums and the goddamn Quora answers (*shudder*), and I seem to be using the best method and doing it correctly. There's nothing wrong with the grill's cleanliness or ventilation. The weather is fine. And if the charcoal is damp, I don't know how it managed to be, considering it's been stored in an airtight container. But I guess that's the only possibility left.
Unless, of course, I really have somehow broken fire. Presumably, I'll discover I've defeated gravity next, and I'll cause a county-wide power outage as I grab at electrical lines on my way up to the stratosphere. All fundamental forces of the universe will eventually succumb to my ineptitude!
