Done This Week
May. 15th, 2022 10:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrubjayspeaksI just can't seem to get ahead of this thing. "This thing" being...life, I guess. I can't tell anymore what are physical symptoms of mental distress and what are mental health symptoms of physical distress.
This weekend, I tried to rest very deliberately. To really accept my exhaustion and be kind to it. This has given me some marginal improvements in things like my knee pain and the pinched nerve in my neck that keeps shutting off my left arm like I'm goddamn Bucky Barnes over here with a malfunction.
The tradeoff is that the more I rest to alleviate my physical symptoms, the more the lack of activity exacerbates my mental health problems. I'm really struggling right now with the feeling that my whole life consists of working my day job (and being miserable while at it for various reasons) so I can afford to spend the weekend desperately trying to recover so I can do it all again.
As previously discovered and discussed, I do a lot better when I have at least some little project with concrete checkpoints and endpoints. I like knowing I've made some progress toward a thing I want. And so right now, I'm trying to figure out what is just enough of a project to give me some will to keep going and something to look forward to, without being enough of a drain on time and energy that it's just another chore I have to grind through despite my exhaustion.
Also, and definitely relatedly, I'm probably in the midst of a flare again. I can no longer track the timing of them at all. But when it starts to feel like my meds aren't working, it's a fair guess that I'm in a flare bad enough to override the benefits of the meds.
Lewisia: 4 new pieces written
Gratitude journaling: 35 new entries
Tumblr queue: 28 posts added
Day job: 42.5 hours, and I don't even want to talk about it anymore
Gardening: succulent club meeting in person, pruned the two zelkova saplings to take off all the unnecessary fluff growing along what should be the trunk plus remove some crossed limbs
Listening: Got the new Florence + The Machine album, Dance Fever. The video for "Free" makes me feel some kind of way:
This weekend, I tried to rest very deliberately. To really accept my exhaustion and be kind to it. This has given me some marginal improvements in things like my knee pain and the pinched nerve in my neck that keeps shutting off my left arm like I'm goddamn Bucky Barnes over here with a malfunction.
The tradeoff is that the more I rest to alleviate my physical symptoms, the more the lack of activity exacerbates my mental health problems. I'm really struggling right now with the feeling that my whole life consists of working my day job (and being miserable while at it for various reasons) so I can afford to spend the weekend desperately trying to recover so I can do it all again.
As previously discovered and discussed, I do a lot better when I have at least some little project with concrete checkpoints and endpoints. I like knowing I've made some progress toward a thing I want. And so right now, I'm trying to figure out what is just enough of a project to give me some will to keep going and something to look forward to, without being enough of a drain on time and energy that it's just another chore I have to grind through despite my exhaustion.
Also, and definitely relatedly, I'm probably in the midst of a flare again. I can no longer track the timing of them at all. But when it starts to feel like my meds aren't working, it's a fair guess that I'm in a flare bad enough to override the benefits of the meds.
Lewisia: 4 new pieces written
Gratitude journaling: 35 new entries
Tumblr queue: 28 posts added
Day job: 42.5 hours, and I don't even want to talk about it anymore
Gardening: succulent club meeting in person, pruned the two zelkova saplings to take off all the unnecessary fluff growing along what should be the trunk plus remove some crossed limbs
Listening: Got the new Florence + The Machine album, Dance Fever. The video for "Free" makes me feel some kind of way:
(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-15 07:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2022-05-22 07:33 pm (UTC)