Done This Week

I look at this, and I can quantify the degree to which I'm still getting the same number of things done. Honestly, I'm getting more done, because I'm suddenly reading more and making time to play video games I like.

Which makes it weird that I feel like I'm not doing anything at all. Because I have the sneaking suspicion now that I have previously been worrying about things I need to do, browbeating myself about doing things, and perceiving that as productive work.

I've now given myself permission to do nothing in particular, especially on my weekends. The rules are that I must still email two particular friends on my normal schedule, I must keep up with Lake Lewisia, and I must keep up with my anchor sites (tumblr queue, 4thewords streak, and gratitude and plague journaling on DW). That's what I think of as being the minimum, the non-negotiable stuff.

Which, hm, is a lot more than I ever realized before the current events hit us.

In any case, if I do those things, everything else is irrelevant. That's been very freeing. But yeah, I've also realized that that's not any LESS than I had been doing before. I just felt way worse about it before now. So that's enlightening.

Lewisia: 3 new pieces written--writing swings wildly between shockingly easy and monumentally difficult

Gratitude journaling: 35 new entries

Tumblr queue: 35 posts added

Day job: 41.75 hours, because so many jobs broke down one day that we left a bit early...

Cooking: crockpot chicken for the week, more biscuits on the weekend and some strawberry sauce for shortcakes

Reading: not a goddamn minute of my podfic, because they just keep making me train at work and it makes me sad... At some point, I'll start adding non-recorded reading that's happening, but that takes more effort for me to document.

Other: trip back to my hometown for mum's appointments--ugh

plague journaling

I've really liked the podcast Trends Like These, and it's released its farewell episode now. I understand why they're ending it--I don't resent that at all--but damn, I have a sadness about it. Lately, I really appreciate anyone who can tell me about current events with some humor (however dark) mixed in. Because the straight news is hair-tearingly awful.

I don't know if it's just the stress of everything (making me sicker) or if it's a flare (making me sicker), but goddamn, my fatigue is out of control right now. On work nights, I'm rolling my bedtime up earlier and earlier. Not always managing to get to sleep, but at least I'm starting the being in bed chilling out process earlier. On the weekends, I keep hyperfixating on things until (for me) ungodly hours, but I'm too programmed to wake up early to ever sleep in to make up for it.

This morning, my legs felt like they were imaginary. Like when you have a dream about having wings or something, and for a little while when you first wake up, you can still feel them. You can feel them, but you can't control them. Phantom limbs. Dream bodies. Only this is my actual meat vessel feeling like that. I couldn't seem to muster the strength to stand up. And none of that is unprecedented by any means. It's just been a good while since I felt this way.

I guess part of it is that my medication is now working well enough and long enough that flares actually look like something. There's a baseline good that can get worse temporarily. That's how I'm thinking of it, anyway.

I'm very tired.

podficcer problems

Recording podfic audio when you're not going to be able to edit right away is such a goddamn shot in the dark. A message in a bottle thrown out to sea.

Dear Me of Later This Week,

Sure hope those two takes had enough good material between them to make a useable recording. Sorry about the neighbor's cow outside. Good luck editing!

Sincerely,

Me of Very Early This Morning